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MUSINGS ON LIFE
I think; therefore, I muse
 
DIANE HUGHES • NASHVILLE, TN
WRITER, EDITOR, CREATIVE PROFESSIONAL

You can't go home again ... or can you?

6/3/2012

18 Comments

 
go home again, can you go home again?, home, childhoodWe moved into this house when I was just 1 year old.
_Rain was gently falling as I parked the car in front of my childhood home. It was the day before Mother's Day and just a few days until the 9th anniversary of my mother's death. Stopping to survey the old homestead was tugging at my heartstrings, and the gloomy weather seemed an appropriate backdrop to my melancholy mood.

I looked around, noting the familiar and seeing how the hands of time and other people had changed the only home I knew until the day I got married. The house was sold a few years after my mother's death; it had fallen into the hands of interlopers, intruders. A catering business had invaded the space where my mother once baked cornbread and cooked Thanksgiving dinners.

I noted the "For Sale" near the mailbox, an indication the catering business had gone bust or moved on. Since the property is now commercial, much of the front yard is covered with asphalt. (Paved paradise, put up a parking lot.) The backyard is bereft of the trees I once climbed in. But some landmarks of my youth remain. The big tree in the front yard still stands tall, no longer flocked by the irises my mother planted there but still shading the house where no one lives.  

I grabbed my umbrella and stepped from the car to look around. I walked to the side of the house and looked up at my old bedroom window. That window was my view to the world as I listened to American Top 40 countdowns. That room was my refuge as I scribed in my diary and cried crocodile tears over a long list of boys. It all looked the same ... but somehow different.

As I stood there feeling a bit heartsick, I reminded myself it's not the place that's important but what happened there. Long after this house is torn down, the memories I made here will still live on. Mom is no longer on this Earth, but the lessons she taught me are no less valuable. And when I'm gone, whatever I've done with those lessons will live on through me.

Dodging raindrops, I got back into the car. As I prepared to drive away, I wondered: Can you go home again? With all due respect to Thomas Wolfe, I say you can. When you carry home in your heart, it's always with you. My memories are as deeply rooted as the tree that still stands sentinel in the front yard. No one can take those memories away from me. 

Someone recently reminded me that living in the past makes you depressed, living in the future makes you anxious, and living in the present puts you at peace. Yes, you can go home again — the key is you can't stay there. While you may revisit that place from time to time, whether literally or figuratively, you must gather up your life lessons and keep moving forward. 
old trees grow stronger every day
The old tree still stands tall.
As I edged the car from the parking lot and back onto the two-lane road, I took a last glance in the rearview mirror. I could feel the weight of my all childhood hopes and dreams, but they weren't pulling me back — they were urging me forward ... back to the present. So I pointed my car toward home and headed back to Nashville ... to make new memories and dream new dreams. 

Do you have strong ties to your childhood home? How does visiting that place make you feel? Please share your thoughts in the Comments below.
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18 Comments
Lissa Funk
6/3/2012 03:35:47 pm

With my family moving every 2-3 years, I never had a place I called home. I did learn that home is where your family is, the place where memories are made with the ones whom you love the most.

Like you!

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Diane Hughes link
6/3/2012 03:49:05 pm

I know what you mean, Lissa. Since I lived in one house for so long, I had a long time to become attached. I realize that's not the case for a lot of people.

And you are right: Throughout our lives, home is always where those dearest to us happen to be. :-)

Reply
Crystal Elliott
6/4/2012 02:09:11 am

that was beautiful Diane...and well said as always!!! : )

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Diane Hughes link
6/6/2012 06:17:03 am

Thanks, Crystal. Your comments are always appreciated.

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Laura Zera link
6/4/2012 05:19:07 am

I love this post, Diane. So eloquently written. Thank you for sharing it. I still drive by my childhood home when I go up to B.C. on weekends, though the home was bulldozed, replaced by two McMansions. Not necessarily a bad thing... ;p

Reply
Diane Hughes link
6/4/2012 05:36:15 am

Thanks so much for your kind words, Laura. I think this is a topic that many people can relate to.

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carin link
6/4/2012 10:47:14 am

"...you must gather up your life lessons and keep moving forward."

Lovely. That really says it all.
A beautiful post. Thank you.

Reply
Diane Hughes link
6/4/2012 12:54:43 pm

Thank you, Carin. I'm so glad you stopped by!

I guess it's one of life's beautiful mysteries that we sometimes have to look back to find the inspiration we need to keep moving forward. : )

Reply
Virginia Fullerton
6/5/2012 01:30:17 am

This one really hit home to me, Diane. That same weekend I too visited my childhood home, grandma's home and cemetery. I honored my past with lots of mixed emotions. Thank you for your words.

Reply
Diane Hughes link
6/5/2012 05:42:11 am

Virginia, it sounds like you and I have lived parallel lives in recent weeks. Shortly after the visit I speak of in this post, Mike and I were "in the neighborhood" and stopped by again. We then paid a visit at the nearby cemetery where my parents are buried. As you said ... lots of mixed emotions.

Reply
Jolina Petersheim link
6/5/2012 02:58:26 am

When I was about sixteen, I walked three miles in the heat of summer back to our old home where, through a series of events, we lost the land that I had loved even more than that home. It was a beautifully bittersweet time, and as I sat on the green porch speaking with the new occupant, I never told him how he had gotten to move into our home so soon after we were forced to leave it. I then walked out that long lane, and I never visited again. So, you CAN return to past memories and the places that housed them; I just think it is better if you do not stay.

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Diane Hughes link
6/5/2012 05:37:12 am

How tragic that your family lost such a treasure. And how brave of you at 16 to face the loss in the way you did. I think that each of must deal with these feelings in our own way. While some are comforted by returning it seems others find the experience sorrowful. And some of us find a bit of both. I guess that was me. But you are absolutely right: you cannot stay there. Living in the past leaves no room for finding the future. And who knows what great experiences are waiting up ahead?

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Lorene Roberson link
6/5/2012 03:27:03 am

We moved to downtown Oklahoma City when I was around 5. The house on Indiana Avenue, near Oklahoma City University, will always be my home. Memories of the neighborhood, called Gatewood, are strong (and trust me, I don't have a great memory). To this day, at the age of 51, I drive by "our" home. Thanks for again reminding me of how much love was there, Di. Nice column. xoxox

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Diane Hughes link
6/5/2012 05:39:40 am

Glad I could remind you of wonderful memories, Lo! Drive by here anytime. : )

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Samuel Crutcher
3/13/2014 04:27:19 am

Beautiful and meaningful words, dear cousin.

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Diane Hughes link
3/13/2014 05:48:08 am

Thank you, Sam. I'm so glad you stopped by!

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Rose link
1/8/2021 08:37:42 pm

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MckimmeCue link
3/10/2022 10:56:13 pm

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    DIANE HUGHES

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